/* Copyright (c) 2017 - 2020 LiteSpeed Technologies Inc. See LICENSE. */ /* Test packet resizing */ #include #include #include #include #include #include #include #ifndef WIN32 #include #else #include "getopt.h" #endif #define LSQUIC_TEST 1 #include "lsquic.h" #include "lsquic_types.h" #include "lsquic_int_types.h" #include "lsquic_packet_common.h" #include "lsquic_packet_in.h" #include "lsquic_packet_out.h" #include "lsquic_packet_resize.h" #include "lsquic_parse.h" #include "lsquic_hash.h" #include "lsquic_conn.h" #include "lsquic_mm.h" #include "lsquic_enc_sess.h" #include "lsquic_sfcw.h" #include "lsquic_varint.h" #include "lsquic_hq.h" #include "lsquic_stream.h" #include "lsquic_engine_public.h" #include "lsquic_logger.h" #define N_STREAMS 4 #define MIN(a, b) ((a) < (b) ? (a) : (b)) static const char *s_data[N_STREAMS]; static size_t s_data_sz[N_STREAMS]; struct test_spec { int lineno; int expect_error; unsigned versions; const char *desc; const char *prog; }; /* Here we rely on the fact that QUIC_FRAME_STREAM is 1 and other valid frames * are in a contiguous range. */ #define letter_2_frame_type(letter_) ((int) ((letter_) - 'a') + QUIC_FRAME_ACK) #define frame_type_2_letter(frame_type_) ('a' + ((frame_type_) - QUIC_FRAME_ACK)) /* DSL specification: * * P\d+ Set maximum packet size * N Create new packet, append to input queue, and set as current * S\d+-\d+f? The first number is stream ID; these values must be in * range [0, 3]. The second number is the maximum number of * bytes to read from stream, potentially filling the current * packet. If `f' is set, set FIN flag. * C\d+-\d+ Like 'S' above, but CRYPTO frame. Note that there is no 'f' * flag as CRYPTO frames have no FINs. * c\d+-\d+ RST_STREAM frame. It's different from frames [abd-z] in that * n_unacked is changed. * V Verify contents of packets, both STREAM and non-STREAM frames. * R Resize packets * L\d Label, valid values in range [0, 9] * J\d[=<>]\d+ Jump to label if packet size is valid [1200, 65527] * I\d+ Increase packet size * D\d+ Decrease packet size * [abd-z]\d+ Frame of type [a-z] of some bytes. See letter_2_frame_type() * to see how the mapping works. * F\d+ Standalone FIN frame. */ static struct test_spec test_specs[] = { { .lineno = __LINE__, .desc = "split one packet with single STREAM frame into two", .prog = "P2000;N;a7;S0-2000;V;P1500;R;V;", }, { .lineno = __LINE__, .desc = "split one 6000-byte packet with single STREAM frame into many, looping", .prog = "P6000;N;S0-6000;V;L0;D100;R;V;J0>1200;L1;I29;R;V;J1<7000;", }, { .lineno = __LINE__, .desc = "split three 1500-byte packets with several STREAM frames from different streams", .prog = "P1500;" "N;p20;S0-200;S1-300;S2-200;h18;S3-20f;t2;S2-2000;" "N;c0-30;j11;S2-2000;" "N;S2-2000;" "V;" "L0;D1;R;V;J0>1200;" , }, { .lineno = __LINE__, .desc = "one packet, STREAM frame and and empty STREAM FIN frame, split down by 1", .prog = "P2000;N;S0-1900;F0;V;L0;D1;R;V;J0>1200;", }, { .lineno = __LINE__, .desc = "one packet, STREAM frame and and empty STREAM FIN frame, split down by 31", .prog = "P2000;N;S0-1900;F0;V;L0;D31;R;V;J0>1200;", }, { .lineno = __LINE__, .desc = "one packet, STREAM frame with a FIN, split down by 1", .prog = "P2000;N;S0-1900f;V;L0;D1;R;V;J0>1200;", }, { .lineno = __LINE__, .desc = "one packet, STREAM frame with a FIN, split down by 31", .prog = "P2000;N;S0-1900f;V;L0;D31;R;V;J0>1200;", }, { .lineno = __LINE__, .desc = "one packet, frame too large", .prog = "P2000;N;m1500;V;P1000;R;", .expect_error = 1, }, { .lineno = __LINE__, .desc = "split one packet with single CRYPTO frame into two", .prog = "P1252;N;C0-2000;V;P1200;R;V;", .versions = LSQUIC_IETF_VERSIONS, }, }; struct stream_read_cursor { const char *data; /* Points to data that is used as circular buffer */ unsigned data_sz; /* Size of data pointed to by data */ unsigned off; /* Current offset */ unsigned nread; /* Total number of bytes consumed from stream (packetized) */ int fin; /* FIN is set, see fin_off */ unsigned fin_off; /* Value of final offset */ }; struct test_ctx { TAILQ_HEAD(, lsquic_packet_out) packets[2]; /* We move them from one queue to the other */ int cur_input; /* 0 or 1, indexes packets */ unsigned n_non_stream_frames; struct stream_read_cursor stream_cursors[N_STREAMS]; struct lsquic_stream streams[N_STREAMS]; struct lsquic_engine_public enpub; struct lsquic_conn lconn; struct network_path path; }; static void init_test_ctx (struct test_ctx *ctx, const struct test_spec *spec, enum lsquic_version version) { unsigned i; memset(ctx, 0, sizeof(*ctx)); TAILQ_INIT(&ctx->packets[0]); TAILQ_INIT(&ctx->packets[1]); for (i = 0; i < N_STREAMS; ++i) { ctx->stream_cursors[i].data = s_data[i]; ctx->stream_cursors[i].data_sz = s_data_sz[i]; } lsquic_mm_init(&ctx->enpub.enp_mm); ctx->lconn.cn_flags |= LSCONN_HANDSHAKE_DONE; /* For short packet headers */ ctx->lconn.cn_pf = select_pf_by_ver(version); ctx->lconn.cn_esf_c = select_esf_common_by_ver(version); LSCONN_INITIALIZE(&ctx->lconn); ctx->lconn.cn_cces_buf[0].cce_cid.len = sizeof(spec->lineno); memcpy(ctx->lconn.cn_cces_buf[0].cce_cid.idbuf, &spec->lineno, sizeof(spec->lineno)); } static void cleanup_test_ctx (struct test_ctx *ctx) { struct lsquic_packet_out *packet_out; unsigned i; for (i = 0; i < 2; ++i) while (packet_out = TAILQ_FIRST(&ctx->packets[i]), packet_out != NULL) { TAILQ_REMOVE(&ctx->packets[i], packet_out, po_next); lsquic_packet_out_destroy(packet_out, &ctx->enpub, NULL); } lsquic_mm_cleanup(&ctx->enpub.enp_mm); } static struct lsquic_packet_out * new_packet (struct test_ctx *ctx) { struct lsquic_packet_out *packet_out; static lsquic_packno_t packno; /* Each packet gets unique packet number * to make them easier to track. */ packet_out = lsquic_packet_out_new(&ctx->enpub.enp_mm, ctx->enpub.enp_mm.malo.packet_out, 1, &ctx->lconn, PACKNO_BITS_0, 0, NULL, &ctx->path); if (packet_out) packet_out->po_packno = packno++; return packet_out; } static struct lsquic_packet_out * new_input_packet (struct test_ctx *ctx) { struct lsquic_packet_out *packet_out; packet_out = new_packet(ctx); if (packet_out) TAILQ_INSERT_TAIL(&ctx->packets[ctx->cur_input], packet_out, po_next); return packet_out; } struct my_read_ctx { struct stream_read_cursor *cursor; /* XXX Turns out, gQUIC and IETF QUIC STREAM frame generators differ in * what they pass to the read() function. The former does not limit * itself to pf_gen_stream_frame()'s `size'. Rather than change and * retest gQUIC code, put a limiter in this unit test file instead. */ size_t max; int fin; }; static size_t my_gsf_read (void *stream, void *buf, size_t len, int *fin) { struct my_read_ctx *const mctx = stream; struct stream_read_cursor *const cursor = mctx->cursor; unsigned char *p = buf, *end; size_t n; if (len > mctx->max) len = mctx->max; end = p + len; while (p < end) { n = MIN(end - p, cursor->data_sz - cursor->off); memcpy(p, cursor->data + cursor->off, n); cursor->off += n; if (cursor->off == cursor->data_sz) cursor->off = 0; cursor->nread += n; p += n; } if (mctx->fin) { cursor->fin = 1; cursor->fin_off = cursor->nread; LSQ_DEBUG("set FIN at offset %u", cursor->fin_off); } *fin = mctx->fin; return len; } static void make_stream_frame (struct test_ctx *ctx, struct lsquic_packet_out *packet_out, enum quic_frame_type frame_type, lsquic_stream_id_t stream_id, size_t nbytes, int fin) { struct my_read_ctx mctx = { &ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id], nbytes, fin, }; int w; assert(!ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].fin); if (nbytes == 0 && fin) { ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].fin = 1; ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].fin_off = ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].nread; LSQ_DEBUG("set FIN at offset %u", ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].fin_off); } w = (&ctx->lconn.cn_pf->pf_gen_stream_frame) [frame_type == QUIC_FRAME_CRYPTO]( packet_out->po_data + packet_out->po_data_sz, lsquic_packet_out_avail(packet_out), stream_id, ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].nread, nbytes == 0 && fin, nbytes, my_gsf_read, &mctx); assert(w > 0); LSQ_DEBUG("wrote %s frame of %d bytes", frame_type_2_str[frame_type], w); lsquic_packet_out_add_stream(packet_out, &ctx->enpub.enp_mm, &ctx->streams[stream_id], frame_type, packet_out->po_data_sz, w); packet_out->po_data_sz += w; packet_out->po_frame_types |= 1 << frame_type; if (0 == lsquic_packet_out_avail(packet_out)) packet_out->po_flags |= PO_STREAM_END; } static void make_non_stream_frame (struct test_ctx *ctx, struct lsquic_packet_out *packet_out, enum quic_frame_type frame_type, size_t nbytes) { static unsigned char fill_byte; /* We don't truncate non-STREAM frames because we don't chop them up */ assert(nbytes <= lsquic_packet_out_avail(packet_out)); memset(packet_out->po_data + packet_out->po_data_sz, fill_byte, nbytes); lsquic_packet_out_add_frame(packet_out, &ctx->enpub.enp_mm, fill_byte, frame_type, packet_out->po_data_sz, nbytes); packet_out->po_data_sz += nbytes; packet_out->po_frame_types |= 1 << frame_type; if ((1 << frame_type) & GQUIC_FRAME_REGEN_MASK) packet_out->po_regen_sz += nbytes; LSQ_DEBUG("wrote %s frame of %zd bytes", frame_type_2_str[frame_type], nbytes); ++fill_byte; ++ctx->n_non_stream_frames; } static void make_rst_stream_frame (struct test_ctx *ctx, struct lsquic_packet_out *packet_out, lsquic_stream_id_t stream_id, size_t nbytes) { int s; /* We don't truncate non-STREAM frames because we don't chop them up */ assert(nbytes <= lsquic_packet_out_avail(packet_out)); memset(packet_out->po_data + packet_out->po_data_sz, 'R', nbytes); s = lsquic_packet_out_add_stream(packet_out, &ctx->enpub.enp_mm, &ctx->streams[stream_id], QUIC_FRAME_RST_STREAM, packet_out->po_data_sz, nbytes); assert(s == 0); packet_out->po_data_sz += nbytes; packet_out->po_frame_types |= 1 << QUIC_FRAME_RST_STREAM; LSQ_DEBUG("wrote %s frame of %zd bytes", frame_type_2_str[QUIC_FRAME_RST_STREAM], nbytes); ++ctx->n_non_stream_frames; } /* STREAM frame ordering assumptions, with or without FINs, are specific to * this unit test. These assumptions do not have to hold in real code. * The assumptions are made in order to verify the operation of the "packet * resize" module. */ static void verify_stream_contents (struct test_ctx *ctx, lsquic_stream_id_t stream_id) { char *data; size_t len; int dummy_fin = -1, parsed_len, seen_fin; struct lsquic_packet_out *packet_out; struct stream_read_cursor cursor; struct my_read_ctx mctx; struct stream_frame stream_frame; struct packet_out_frec_iter pofi; struct frame_rec *frec; unsigned off, frec_count; LSQ_DEBUG("verifying stream #%"PRIu64, stream_id); data = malloc(ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].nread); assert(data); /* Copy cursor to re-read from the beginning and not affect real cursor */ cursor = ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id]; cursor.off = 0; mctx = (struct my_read_ctx) { &cursor, ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].nread, 0, }; len = my_gsf_read(&mctx, data, ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].nread, &dummy_fin); assert(len == ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].nread); assert(dummy_fin == 0); /* Self-check */ /* Go packet by packet, and within each packet, frame by frame, and * compare STREAM frame contents. */ off = 0; seen_fin = 0; frec_count = 0; TAILQ_FOREACH(packet_out, &ctx->packets[ctx->cur_input], po_next) { LSQ_DEBUG("examining packet #%"PRIu64, packet_out->po_packno); assert(packet_out->po_data_sz <= packet_out->po_n_alloc); assert(packet_out->po_data_sz <= ctx->path.np_pack_size); for (frec = lsquic_pofi_first(&pofi, packet_out); frec; frec = lsquic_pofi_next(&pofi)) { if (!(((1 << frec->fe_frame_type) & (QUIC_FTBIT_STREAM|QUIC_FTBIT_CRYPTO|QUIC_FTBIT_RST_STREAM)) && frec->fe_stream == &ctx->streams[stream_id])) continue; assert(!seen_fin); ++frec_count; if (frec->fe_frame_type == QUIC_FRAME_RST_STREAM) continue; parsed_len = (&ctx->lconn.cn_pf->pf_parse_stream_frame) [frec->fe_frame_type == QUIC_FRAME_CRYPTO] (packet_out->po_data + frec->fe_off, frec->fe_len, &stream_frame); assert(parsed_len > 0); assert(parsed_len == frec->fe_len); LSQ_DEBUG("verify stream %"PRIu64", contents %hu bytes", stream_id, stream_frame.data_frame.df_size); assert(stream_frame.data_frame.df_offset == off); assert(stream_frame.data_frame.df_size <= len - off); assert(0 == memcmp(stream_frame.data_frame.df_data, data + off, stream_frame.data_frame.df_size)); off += stream_frame.data_frame.df_size; if (stream_frame.data_frame.df_fin) { assert(ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].fin); assert(ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].fin_off == off); seen_fin = 1; } if (frec->fe_off + frec->fe_len == packet_out->po_n_alloc) assert(packet_out->po_flags & PO_STREAM_END); if (!(packet_out->po_flags & PO_STREAM_END)) assert(frec->fe_off + frec->fe_len < packet_out->po_n_alloc); } } if (ctx->stream_cursors[stream_id].fin) assert(seen_fin); assert(frec_count == ctx->streams[stream_id].n_unacked); free(data); } /* Verify that non-STREAM frames are in the same order, of the same size, and * same contents. */ static void verify_non_stream_frames (struct test_ctx *ctx, const struct test_spec *spec) { const char *pos; int w; unsigned count, regen_sz, off; struct lsquic_packet_out *packet_out; struct packet_out_frec_iter pofi; struct frame_rec *frec; unsigned char fill; char frame_str[30]; LSQ_DEBUG("verifying non-STREAM frames"); /* Go packet by packet, and within each packet, frame by frame, and * verify relative position of non-STREAM frames (must be in the same * order as in the order they were inserted) and their contents. */ count = 0; pos = spec->prog; TAILQ_FOREACH(packet_out, &ctx->packets[ctx->cur_input], po_next) { regen_sz = 0; off = 0; LSQ_DEBUG("examining packet #%"PRIu64, packet_out->po_packno); assert(packet_out->po_data_sz <= packet_out->po_n_alloc); assert(packet_out->po_data_sz <= ctx->path.np_pack_size); for (frec = lsquic_pofi_first(&pofi, packet_out); frec; frec = lsquic_pofi_next(&pofi)) { if ((1 << frec->fe_frame_type) & GQUIC_FRAME_REGEN_MASK) { assert(regen_sz == 0 || regen_sz == off); regen_sz += frec->fe_len; } off += frec->fe_len; if ((1 << frec->fe_frame_type) & (QUIC_FTBIT_STREAM|QUIC_FTBIT_CRYPTO)) continue; ++count; LSQ_DEBUG("checking %hu-byte %s", frec->fe_len, frame_type_2_str[frec->fe_frame_type]); if (frec->fe_frame_type == QUIC_FRAME_RST_STREAM) w = snprintf(frame_str, sizeof(frame_str), "%c%u-%hu;", frame_type_2_letter(frec->fe_frame_type), (unsigned) (frec->fe_stream - ctx->streams), frec->fe_len); else w = snprintf(frame_str, sizeof(frame_str), "%c%hu;", frame_type_2_letter(frec->fe_frame_type), frec->fe_len); pos = strstr(pos, frame_str); assert(pos); pos += w; /* Now check contents */ fill = frec->fe_frame_type == QUIC_FRAME_RST_STREAM ? 'R' : (unsigned char) frec->fe_u.data; for (w = 0; w < (int) frec->fe_len; ++w) assert(packet_out->po_data[frec->fe_off + w] == fill); } assert(packet_out->po_regen_sz == regen_sz); assert(packet_out->po_data_sz == off); } assert(count == ctx->n_non_stream_frames); } static void verify_packet_contents (struct test_ctx *ctx, const struct test_spec *spec) { lsquic_stream_id_t stream_id; for (stream_id = 0; stream_id < N_STREAMS; ++stream_id) verify_stream_contents(ctx, stream_id); verify_non_stream_frames(ctx, spec); } static struct lsquic_packet_out * my_pri_next_packet (void *ctxp) { struct test_ctx *ctx = ctxp; struct lsquic_packet_out *packet_out; packet_out = TAILQ_FIRST(&ctx->packets[ctx->cur_input]); if (packet_out) LSQ_DEBUG("%s: return packet #%"PRIu64, __func__, packet_out->po_packno); else LSQ_DEBUG("%s: out of packets", __func__); return packet_out; } static void my_pri_discard_packet (void *ctxp, struct lsquic_packet_out *packet_out) { struct test_ctx *ctx = ctxp; LSQ_DEBUG("%s: discard packet #%"PRIu64, __func__, packet_out->po_packno); TAILQ_REMOVE(&ctx->packets[ctx->cur_input], packet_out, po_next); lsquic_packet_out_destroy(packet_out, &ctx->enpub, NULL); } static struct lsquic_packet_out * my_pri_new_packet (void *ctx) { LSQ_DEBUG("%s: grab a new packet", __func__); return new_packet(ctx); } static const struct packet_resize_if my_pr_if = { .pri_next_packet = my_pri_next_packet, .pri_new_packet = my_pri_new_packet, .pri_discard_packet = my_pri_discard_packet, }; static int resize_packets (struct test_ctx *ctx) { struct packet_resize_ctx prctx; struct lsquic_packet_out *new; lsquic_packet_resize_init(&prctx, &ctx->enpub, &ctx->lconn, ctx, &my_pr_if); while (new = lsquic_packet_resize_next(&prctx), new != NULL) { TAILQ_INSERT_TAIL(&ctx->packets[!ctx->cur_input], new, po_next); LSQ_DEBUG("append new packet #%"PRIu64, new->po_packno); } ctx->cur_input = !ctx->cur_input; LSQ_DEBUG("switch cur_input to %d", ctx->cur_input); return lsquic_packet_resize_is_error(&prctx) ? -1 : 0; } static void run_test (const struct test_spec *spec, enum lsquic_version version) { struct lsquic_packet_out *packet_out; struct test_ctx ctx; long stream_id, nbytes; char L[4] = "L?;", op, cmd; const char *pc, *addr; int jump, s; enum quic_frame_type frame_type; LSQ_INFO("Running test on line %d: %s", spec->lineno, spec->desc); if (spec->versions && !(spec->versions & (1 << version))) { LSQ_INFO("Not applicable to version %s, skip", lsquic_ver2str[version]); return; } init_test_ctx(&ctx, spec, version); packet_out = NULL; for (pc = spec->prog; *pc; ++pc) { cmd = *pc++; switch (cmd) { case 'P': ctx.path.np_pack_size = strtol(pc, (char **) &pc, 10); LSQ_DEBUG("P: set packet size to %hu bytes", ctx.path.np_pack_size); break; case 'N': packet_out = new_input_packet(&ctx); LSQ_DEBUG("N: create new input packet"); break; case 'S': case 'C': stream_id = strtol(pc, (char **) &pc, 10); assert('-' == *pc); assert(stream_id >= 0 && stream_id < N_STREAMS); nbytes = strtol(pc + 1, (char **) &pc, 10); assert(nbytes > 0); LSQ_DEBUG("%c: create frame for stream %ld of at most %ld bytes", cmd, stream_id, nbytes); if (cmd == 'S' && *pc == 'f') ++pc; make_stream_frame(&ctx, packet_out, cmd == 'S' ? QUIC_FRAME_STREAM : QUIC_FRAME_CRYPTO, stream_id, nbytes, pc[-1] == 'f'); break; case 'F': stream_id = strtol(pc, (char **) &pc, 10); make_stream_frame(&ctx, packet_out, QUIC_FRAME_STREAM, stream_id, 0, 1); break; case 'V': LSQ_DEBUG("V: verify packet contents"); verify_packet_contents(&ctx, spec); break; case 'R': LSQ_DEBUG("R: resize packets"); s = resize_packets(&ctx); if (0 != s) { LSQ_DEBUG("got error, expected: %d", spec->expect_error); assert(spec->expect_error); assert(pc[0] == ';'); assert(pc[1] == '\0'); goto end; } break; case 'D': nbytes = strtol(pc, (char **) &pc, 10); ctx.path.np_pack_size -= nbytes; LSQ_DEBUG("D: decrease packet size by %ld to %hu bytes", nbytes, ctx.path.np_pack_size); break; case 'I': nbytes = strtol(pc, (char **) &pc, 10); ctx.path.np_pack_size += nbytes; LSQ_DEBUG("I: increase packet size by %ld to %hu bytes", nbytes, ctx.path.np_pack_size); break; case 'L': assert(*pc >= '0' && *pc <= '9'); ++pc; break; case 'J': assert(*pc >= '0' && *pc <= '9'); L[1] = *pc++; addr = strstr(spec->prog, L); assert(addr); op = *pc++; nbytes = strtol(pc, (char **) &pc, 10); switch (op) { case '=': jump = ctx.path.np_pack_size == nbytes; break; case '<': jump = ctx.path.np_pack_size < nbytes; break; case '>': jump = ctx.path.np_pack_size > nbytes; break; default: jump = 0; assert(0); break; } LSQ_DEBUG("J: jump if (%hu %c %ld) -> %sjumping", ctx.path.np_pack_size, op, nbytes, jump ? "" : "not "); if (jump) pc = addr + 2; break; case 'c': stream_id = strtol(pc, (char **) &pc, 10); assert('-' == *pc); assert(stream_id >= 0 && stream_id < N_STREAMS); nbytes = strtol(pc + 1, (char **) &pc, 10); assert(nbytes > 0); make_rst_stream_frame(&ctx, packet_out, stream_id, nbytes); break; case 'a': case 'b': case 'd': case 'e': case 'f': case 'g': case 'h': case 'i': case 'j': case 'k': case 'l': case 'm': case 'n': case 'o': case 'p': case 'q': case 'r': case 's': case 't': case 'u': case 'v': case 'w': case 'x': case 'y': case 'z': frame_type = letter_2_frame_type(cmd); nbytes = strtol(pc, (char **) &pc, 10); make_non_stream_frame(&ctx, packet_out, frame_type, nbytes); break; default: assert(0); goto end; } assert(*pc == ';'); } end: cleanup_test_ctx(&ctx); } int main (int argc, char **argv) { const struct test_spec *spec; enum lsquic_version version; int opt; lsquic_log_to_fstream(stderr, LLTS_HHMMSSMS); (void) lsquic_set_log_level("info"); while (opt = getopt(argc, argv, "l:L:h"), opt != -1) { switch (opt) { case 'L': if (0 != lsquic_set_log_level(optarg)) { perror("lsquic_set_log_level"); return 1; } break; case 'l': if (0 != lsquic_logger_lopt(optarg)) { perror("lsquic_logger_lopt"); return 1; } break; case 'h': printf("usage: %s [options]\n", argv[0]); return 0; default: return 1; } } for (version = 0; version < N_LSQVER; ++version) { if (!((1 << version) & LSQUIC_DF_VERSIONS)) continue; LSQ_INFO("testing version %s", lsquic_ver2str[version]); for (spec = test_specs; spec < test_specs + sizeof(test_specs) / sizeof(test_specs[0]); ++spec) run_test(spec, version); } return 0; } #define DATA_0 \ "ON BEING IDLE.\n" \ "\n" \ "Now, this is a subject on which I flatter myself I really am _au fait_.\n" \ "The gentleman who, when I was young, bathed me at wisdom's font for nine\n" \ "guineas a term--no extras--used to say he never knew a boy who could\n" \ "do less work in more time; and I remember my poor grandmother once\n" \ "incidentally observing, in the course of an instruction upon the use\n" \ "of the Prayer-book, that it was highly improbable that I should ever do\n" \ "much that I ought not to do, but that she felt convinced beyond a doubt\n" \ "that I should leave undone pretty well everything that I ought to do.\n" \ "\n" \ "I am afraid I have somewhat belied half the dear old lady's prophecy.\n" \ "Heaven help me! I have done a good many things that I ought not to have\n" \ "done, in spite of my laziness. But I have fully confirmed the accuracy\n" \ "of her judgment so far as neglecting much that I ought not to have\n" \ "neglected is concerned. Idling always has been my strong point. I take\n" \ "no credit to myself in the matter--it is a gift. Few possess it. There\n" \ "are plenty of lazy people and plenty of slow-coaches, but a genuine\n" \ "idler is a rarity. He is not a man who slouches about with his hands in\n" \ "his pockets. On the contrary, his most startling characteristic is that\n" \ "he is always intensely busy.\n" \ "\n" \ "It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of\n" \ "work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to\n" \ "do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting\n" \ "one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.\n" \ "\n" \ "Many years ago, when I was a young man, I was taken very ill--I never\n" \ "could see myself that much was the matter with me, except that I had\n" \ "a beastly cold. But I suppose it was something very serious, for the\n" \ "doctor said that I ought to have come to him a month before, and that\n" \ "if it (whatever it was) had gone on for another week he would not have\n" \ "answered for the consequences. It is an extraordinary thing, but I\n" \ "never knew a doctor called into any case yet but what it transpired\n" \ "that another day's delay would have rendered cure hopeless. Our medical\n" \ "guide, philosopher, and friend is like the hero in a melodrama--he\n" \ "always comes upon the scene just, and only just, in the nick of time. It\n" \ "is Providence, that is what it is.\n" \ "\n" \ "Well, as I was saying, I was very ill and was ordered to Buxton for a\n" \ "month, with strict injunctions to do nothing whatever all the while\n" \ "that I was there. \"Rest is what you require,\" said the doctor, \"perfect\n" \ "rest.\"\n" \ "\n" \ "It seemed a delightful prospect. \"This man evidently understands my\n" \ "complaint,\" said I, and I pictured to myself a glorious time--a four\n" \ "weeks' _dolce far niente_ with a dash of illness in it. Not too much\n" \ "illness, but just illness enough--just sufficient to give it the flavor\n" \ "of suffering and make it poetical. I should get up late, sip chocolate,\n" \ "and have my breakfast in slippers and a dressing-gown. I should lie out\n" \ "in the garden in a hammock and read sentimental novels with a melancholy\n" \ "ending, until the books should fall from my listless hand, and I should\n" \ "recline there, dreamily gazing into the deep blue of the firmament,\n" \ "watching the fleecy clouds floating like white-sailed ships across\n" \ "its depths, and listening to the joyous song of the birds and the low\n" \ "rustling of the trees. Or, on becoming too weak to go out of doors,\n" \ "I should sit propped up with pillows at the open window of the\n" \ "ground-floor front, and look wasted and interesting, so that all the\n" \ "pretty girls would sigh as they passed by.\n" \ "\n" \ "And twice a day I should go down in a Bath chair to the Colonnade to\n" \ "drink the waters. Oh, those waters! I knew nothing about them then,\n" \ "and was rather taken with the idea. \"Drinking the waters\" sounded\n" \ "fashionable and Queen Anne-fied, and I thought I should like them. But,\n" \ "ugh! after the first three or four mornings! Sam Weller's description of\n" \ "them as \"having a taste of warm flat-irons\" conveys only a faint idea of\n" \ "their hideous nauseousness. If anything could make a sick man get well\n" \ "quickly, it would be the knowledge that he must drink a glassful of them\n" \ "every day until he was recovered. I drank them neat for six consecutive\n" \ "days, and they nearly killed me; but after then I adopted the plan of\n" \ "taking a stiff glass of brandy-and-water immediately on the top of them,\n" \ "and found much relief thereby. I have been informed since, by various\n" \ "eminent medical gentlemen, that the alcohol must have entirely\n" \ "counteracted the effects of the chalybeate properties contained in the\n" \ "water. I am glad I was lucky enough to hit upon the right thing.\n" \ "\n" \ "But \"drinking the waters\" was only a small portion of the torture I\n" \ "experienced during that memorable month--a month which was, without\n" \ "exception, the most miserable I have ever spent. During the best part of\n" \ "it I religiously followed the doctor's mandate and did nothing whatever,\n" \ "except moon about the house and garden and go out for two hours a day in\n" \ "a Bath chair. That did break the monotony to a certain extent. There is\n" \ "more excitement about Bath-chairing--especially if you are not used to\n" \ "the exhilarating exercise--than might appear to the casual observer. A\n" \ "sense of danger, such as a mere outsider might not understand, is ever\n" \ "present to the mind of the occupant. He feels convinced every minute\n" \ "that the whole concern is going over, a conviction which becomes\n" \ "especially lively whenever a ditch or a stretch of newly macadamized\n" \ "road comes in sight. Every vehicle that passes he expects is going to\n" \ "run into him; and he never finds himself ascending or descending a\n" \ "hill without immediately beginning to speculate upon his chances,\n" \ "supposing--as seems extremely probable--that the weak-kneed controller\n" \ "of his destiny should let go.\n" \ "\n" \ "But even this diversion failed to enliven after awhile, and the _ennui_\n" \ "became perfectly unbearable. I felt my mind giving way under it. It is\n" \ "not a strong mind, and I thought it would be unwise to tax it too far.\n" \ "So somewhere about the twentieth morning I got up early, had a good\n" \ "breakfast, and walked straight off to Hayfield, at the foot of the\n" \ "Kinder Scout--a pleasant, busy little town, reached through a lovely\n" \ "valley, and with two sweetly pretty women in it. At least they were\n" \ "sweetly pretty then; one passed me on the bridge and, I think, smiled;\n" \ "and the other was standing at an open door, making an unremunerative\n" \ "investment of kisses upon a red-faced baby. But it is years ago, and I\n" \ "dare say they have both grown stout and snappish since that time.\n" \ "Coming back, I saw an old man breaking stones, and it roused such strong\n" \ "longing in me to use my arms that I offered him a drink to let me take\n" \ "his place. He was a kindly old man and he humored me. I went for those\n" \ "stones with the accumulated energy of three weeks, and did more work in\n" \ "half an hour than he had done all day. But it did not make him jealous.\n" \ "\n" \ "Having taken the plunge, I went further and further into dissipation,\n" \ "going out for a long walk every morning and listening to the band in\n" \ "the pavilion every evening. But the days still passed slowly\n" \ "notwithstanding, and I was heartily glad when the last one came and I\n" \ "was being whirled away from gouty, consumptive Buxton to London with its\n" \ "stern work and life. I looked out of the carriage as we rushed through\n" \ "Hendon in the evening. The lurid glare overhanging the mighty city\n" \ "seemed to warm my heart, and when, later on, my cab rattled out of St.\n" \ "Pancras' station, the old familiar roar that came swelling up around me\n" \ "sounded the sweetest music I had heard for many a long day.\n" \ "\n" \ "I certainly did not enjoy that month's idling. I like idling when I\n" \ "ought not to be idling; not when it is the only thing I have to do. That\n" \ "is my pig-headed nature. The time when I like best to stand with my\n" \ "back to the fire, calculating how much I owe, is when my desk is heaped\n" \ "highest with letters that must be answered by the next post. When I like\n" \ "to dawdle longest over my dinner is when I have a heavy evening's work\n" \ "before me. And if, for some urgent reason, I ought to be up particularly\n" \ "early in the morning, it is then, more than at any other time, that I\n" \ "love to lie an extra half-hour in bed.\n" \ "\n" \ "Ah! how delicious it is to turn over and go to sleep again: \"just for\n" \ "five minutes.\" Is there any human being, I wonder, besides the hero of\n" \ "a Sunday-school \"tale for boys,\" who ever gets up willingly? There\n" \ "are some men to whom getting up at the proper time is an utter\n" \ "impossibility. If eight o'clock happens to be the time that they should\n" \ "turn out, then they lie till half-past. If circumstances change and\n" \ "half-past eight becomes early enough for them, then it is nine before\n" \ "they can rise. They are like the statesman of whom it was said that he\n" \ "was always punctually half an hour late. They try all manner of schemes.\n" \ "They buy alarm-clocks (artful contrivances that go off at the wrong time\n" \ "and alarm the wrong people). They tell Sarah Jane to knock at the door\n" \ "and call them, and Sarah Jane does knock at the door and does call them,\n" \ "and they grunt back \"awri\" and then go comfortably to sleep again. I\n" \ "knew one man who would actually get out and have a cold bath; and even\n" \ "that was of no use, for afterward he would jump into bed again to warm\n" \ "himself.\n" \ "\n" \ "I think myself that I could keep out of bed all right if I once got\n" \ "out. It is the wrenching away of the head from the pillow that I find so\n" \ "hard, and no amount of over-night determination makes it easier. I say\n" \ "to myself, after having wasted the whole evening, \"Well, I won't do\n" \ "any more work to-night; I'll get up early to-morrow morning;\" and I am\n" \ "thoroughly resolved to do so--then. In the morning, however, I feel less\n" \ "enthusiastic about the idea, and reflect that it would have been much\n" \ "better if I had stopped up last night. And then there is the trouble of\n" \ "dressing, and the more one thinks about that the more one wants to put\n" \ "it off.\n" \ "\n" \ "It is a strange thing this bed, this mimic grave, where we stretch our\n" \ "tired limbs and sink away so quietly into the silence and rest. \"O bed,\n" \ "O bed, delicious bed, that heaven on earth to the weary head,\" as sang\n" \ "poor Hood, you are a kind old nurse to us fretful boys and girls. Clever\n" \ "and foolish, naughty and good, you take us all in your motherly lap and\n" \ "hush our wayward crying. The strong man full of care--the sick man\n" \ "full of pain--the little maiden sobbing for her faithless lover--like\n" \ "children we lay our aching heads on your white bosom, and you gently\n" \ "soothe us off to by-by.\n" \ "\n" \ "Our trouble is sore indeed when you turn away and will not comfort us.\n" \ "How long the dawn seems coming when we cannot sleep! Oh! those hideous\n" \ "nights when we toss and turn in fever and pain, when we lie, like living\n" \ "men among the dead, staring out into the dark hours that drift so slowly\n" \ "between us and the light. And oh! those still more hideous nights when\n" \ "we sit by another in pain, when the low fire startles us every now and\n" \ "then with a falling cinder, and the tick of the clock seems a hammer\n" \ "beating out the life that we are watching.\n" \ "\n" \ "But enough of beds and bedrooms. I have kept to them too long, even for\n" \ "an idle fellow. Let us come out and have a smoke. That wastes time just\n" \ "as well and does not look so bad. Tobacco has been a blessing to us\n" \ "idlers. What the civil-service clerk before Sir Walter's time found\n" \ "to occupy their minds with it is hard to imagine. I attribute the\n" \ "quarrelsome nature of the Middle Ages young men entirely to the want of\n" \ "the soothing weed. They had no work to do and could not smoke, and\n" \ "the consequence was they were forever fighting and rowing. If, by any\n" \ "extraordinary chance, there was no war going, then they got up a deadly\n" \ "family feud with the next-door neighbor, and if, in spite of this, they\n" \ "still had a few spare moments on their hands, they occupied them with\n" \ "discussions as to whose sweetheart was the best looking, the arguments\n" \ "employed on both sides being battle-axes, clubs, etc. Questions of taste\n" \ "were soon decided in those days. When a twelfth-century youth fell in\n" \ "love he did not take three paces backward, gaze into her eyes, and tell\n" \ "her she was too beautiful to live. He said he would step outside and see\n" \ "about it. And if, when he got out, he met a man and broke his head--the\n" \ "other man's head, I mean--then that proved that his--the first\n" \ "fellow's--girl was a pretty girl. But if the other fellow broke _his_\n" \ "head--not his own, you know, but the other fellow's--the other fellow\n" \ "to the second fellow, that is, because of course the other fellow would\n" \ "only be the other fellow to him, not the first fellow who--well, if he\n" \ "broke his head, then _his_ girl--not the other fellow's, but the fellow\n" \ "who _was_ the--Look here, if A broke B's head, then A's girl was a\n" \ "pretty girl; but if B broke A's head, then A's girl wasn't a pretty\n" \ "girl, but B's girl was. That was their method of conducting art\n" \ "criticism.\n" \ "\n" \ "Nowadays we light a pipe and let the girls fight it out among\n" \ "themselves.\n" \ "\n" \ "They do it very well. They are getting to do all our work. They are\n" \ "doctors, and barristers, and artists. They manage theaters, and promote\n" \ "swindles, and edit newspapers. I am looking forward to the time when we\n" \ "men shall have nothing to do but lie in bed till twelve, read two novels\n" \ "a day, have nice little five-o'clock teas all to ourselves, and tax\n" \ "our brains with nothing more trying than discussions upon the latest\n" \ "patterns in trousers and arguments as to what Mr. Jones' coat was\n" \ "made of and whether it fitted him. It is a glorious prospect--for idle\n" \ "fellows.\n" #define DATA_1 \ "ON BEING IN LOVE.\n" \ "\n" \ "You've been in love, of course! If not you've got it to come. Love is\n" \ "like the measles; we all have to go through it. Also like the measles,\n" \ "we take it only once. One never need be afraid of catching it a second\n" \ "time. The man who has had it can go into the most dangerous places and\n" \ "play the most foolhardy tricks with perfect safety. He can picnic in\n" \ "shady woods, ramble through leafy aisles, and linger on mossy seats to\n" \ "watch the sunset. He fears a quiet country-house no more than he would\n" \ "his own club. He can join a family party to go down the Rhine. He can,\n" \ "to see the last of a friend, venture into the very jaws of the marriage\n" \ "ceremony itself. He can keep his head through the whirl of a ravishing\n" \ "waltz, and rest afterward in a dark conservatory, catching nothing more\n" \ "lasting than a cold. He can brave a moonlight walk adown sweet-scented\n" \ "lanes or a twilight pull among the somber rushes. He can get over a\n" \ "stile without danger, scramble through a tangled hedge without being\n" \ "caught, come down a slippery path without falling. He can look into\n" \ "sunny eyes and not be dazzled. He listens to the siren voices, yet sails\n" \ "on with unveered helm. He clasps white hands in his, but no electric\n" \ "\"Lulu\"-like force holds him bound in their dainty pressure.\n" \ "\n" \ "No, we never sicken with love twice. Cupid spends no second arrow on\n" \ "the same heart. Love's handmaids are our life-long friends. Respect, and\n" \ "admiration, and affection, our doors may always be left open for, but\n" \ "their great celestial master, in his royal progress, pays but one visit\n" \ "and departs. We like, we cherish, we are very, very fond of--but we\n" \ "never love again. A man's heart is a firework that once in its time\n" \ "flashes heavenward. Meteor-like, it blazes for a moment and lights\n" \ "with its glory the whole world beneath. Then the night of our sordid\n" \ "commonplace life closes in around it, and the burned-out case, falling\n" \ "back to earth, lies useless and uncared for, slowly smoldering into\n" \ "ashes. Once, breaking loose from our prison bonds, we dare, as mighty\n" \ "old Prometheus dared, to scale the Olympian mount and snatch from\n" \ "Phoebus' chariot the fire of the gods. Happy those who, hastening down\n" \ "again ere it dies out, can kindle their earthly altars at its flame.\n" \ "Love is too pure a light to burn long among the noisome gases that we\n" \ "breathe, but before it is choked out we may use it as a torch to ignite\n" \ "the cozy fire of affection.\n" \ "\n" \ "And, after all, that warming glow is more suited to our cold little back\n" \ "parlor of a world than is the burning spirit love. Love should be the\n" \ "vestal fire of some mighty temple--some vast dim fane whose organ music\n" \ "is the rolling of the spheres. Affection will burn cheerily when the\n" \ "white flame of love is flickered out. Affection is a fire that can be\n" \ "fed from day to day and be piled up ever higher as the wintry years draw\n" \ "nigh. Old men and women can sit by it with their thin hands clasped, the\n" \ "little children can nestle down in front, the friend and neighbor has\n" \ "his welcome corner by its side, and even shaggy Fido and sleek Titty can\n" \ "toast their noses at the bars.\n" \ "\n" \ "Let us heap the coals of kindness upon that fire. Throw on your pleasant\n" \ "words, your gentle pressures of the hand, your thoughtful and unselfish\n" \ "deeds. Fan it with good-humor, patience, and forbearance. You can let\n" \ "the wind blow and the rain fall unheeded then, for your hearth will be\n" \ "warm and bright, and the faces round it will make sunshine in spite of\n" \ "the clouds without.\n" \ "\n" \ "I am afraid, dear Edwin and Angelina, you expect too much from love.\n" \ "You think there is enough of your little hearts to feed this fierce,\n" \ "devouring passion for all your long lives. Ah, young folk! don't rely\n" \ "too much upon that unsteady flicker. It will dwindle and dwindle as the\n" \ "months roll on, and there is no replenishing the fuel. You will watch it\n" \ "die out in anger and disappointment. To each it will seem that it is the\n" \ "other who is growing colder. Edwin sees with bitterness that Angelina no\n" \ "longer runs to the gate to meet him, all smiles and blushes; and when he\n" \ "has a cough now she doesn't begin to cry and, putting her arms round his\n" \ "neck, say that she cannot live without him. The most she will probably\n" \ "do is to suggest a lozenge, and even that in a tone implying that it is\n" \ "the noise more than anything else she is anxious to get rid of.\n" \ "\n" \ "Poor little Angelina, too, sheds silent tears, for Edwin has given up\n" \ "carrying her old handkerchief in the inside pocket of his waistcoat.\n" \ "\n" \ "Both are astonished at the falling off in the other one, but neither\n" \ "sees their own change. If they did they would not suffer as they do.\n" \ "They would look for the cause in the right quarter--in the littleness\n" \ "of poor human nature--join hands over their common failing, and start\n" \ "building their house anew on a more earthly and enduring foundation.\n" \ "But we are so blind to our own shortcomings, so wide awake to those\n" \ "of others. Everything that happens to us is always the other person's\n" \ "fault. Angelina would have gone on loving Edwin forever and ever and\n" \ "ever if only Edwin had not grown so strange and different. Edwin would\n" \ "have adored Angelina through eternity if Angelina had only remained the\n" \ "same as when he first adored her.\n" \ "\n" \ "It is a cheerless hour for you both when the lamp of love has gone out\n" \ "and the fire of affection is not yet lit, and you have to grope about\n" \ "in the cold, raw dawn of life to kindle it. God grant it catches light\n" \ "before the day is too far spent. Many sit shivering by the dead coals\n" \ "till night come.\n" \ "\n" \ "But, there, of what use is it to preach? Who that feels the rush of\n" \ "young love through his veins can think it will ever flow feeble and\n" \ "slow! To the boy of twenty it seems impossible that he will not love as\n" \ "wildly at sixty as he does then. He cannot call to mind any middle-aged\n" \ "or elderly gentleman of his acquaintance who is known to exhibit\n" \ "symptoms of frantic attachment, but that does not interfere in his\n" \ "belief in himself. His love will never fall, whoever else's may. Nobody\n" \ "ever loved as he loves, and so, of course, the rest of the world's\n" \ "experience can be no guide in his case. Alas! alas! ere thirty he has\n" \ "joined the ranks of the sneerers. It is not his fault. Our passions,\n" \ "both the good and bad, cease with our blushes. We do not hate, nor\n" \ "grieve, nor joy, nor despair in our thirties like we did in our teens.\n" \ "Disappointment does not suggest suicide, and we quaff success without\n" \ "intoxication.\n" \ "\n" \ "We take all things in a minor key as we grow older. There are few\n" \ "majestic passages in the later acts of life's opera. Ambition takes\n" \ "a less ambitious aim. Honor becomes more reasonable and conveniently\n" \ "adapts itself to circumstances. And love--love dies. \"Irreverence for\n" \ "the dreams of youth\" soon creeps like a killing frost upon our hearts.\n" \ "The tender shoots and the expanding flowers are nipped and withered, and\n" \ "of a vine that yearned to stretch its tendrils round the world there is\n" \ "left but a sapless stump.\n" \ "\n" \ "My fair friends will deem all this rank heresy, I know. So far from a\n" \ "man's not loving after he has passed boyhood, it is not till there is a\n" \ "good deal of gray in his hair that they think his protestations at all\n" \ "worthy of attention. Young ladies take their notions of our sex from the\n" \ "novels written by their own, and compared with the monstrosities\n" \ "that masquerade for men in the pages of that nightmare literature,\n" \ "Pythagoras' plucked bird and Frankenstein's demon were fair average\n" \ "specimens of humanity.\n" \ "\n" \ "In these so-called books, the chief lover, or Greek god, as he is\n" \ "admiringly referred to--by the way, they do not say which \"Greek god\"\n" \ "it is that the gentleman bears such a striking likeness to; it might be\n" \ "hump-backed Vulcan, or double-faced Janus, or even driveling Silenus,\n" \ "the god of abstruse mysteries. He resembles the whole family of them,\n" \ "however, in being a blackguard, and perhaps this is what is meant. To\n" \ "even the little manliness his classical prototypes possessed, though,\n" \ "he can lay no claim whatever, being a listless effeminate noodle, on\n" \ "the shady side of forty. But oh! the depth and strength of this elderly\n" \ "party's emotion for some bread-and-butter school-girl! Hide your heads,\n" \ "ye young Romeos and Leanders! this _blase_ old beau loves with an\n" \ "hysterical fervor that requires four adjectives to every noun to\n" \ "properly describe.\n" \ "\n" \ "It is well, dear ladies, for us old sinners that you study only books.\n" \ "Did you read mankind, you would know that the lad's shy stammering tells\n" \ "a truer tale than our bold eloquence. A boy's love comes from a full\n" \ "heart; a man's is more often the result of a full stomach. Indeed, a\n" \ "man's sluggish current may not be called love, compared with the rushing\n" \ "fountain that wells up when a boy's heart is struck with the heavenly\n" \ "rod. If you would taste love, drink of the pure stream that youth pours\n" \ "out at your feet. Do not wait till it has become a muddy river before\n" \ "you stoop to catch its waves.\n" \ "\n" \ "Or is it that you like its bitter flavor--that the clear, limpid water\n" \ "is insipid to your palate and that the pollution of its after-course\n" \ "gives it a relish to your lips? Must we believe those who tell us that a\n" \ "hand foul with the filth of a shameful life is the only one a young girl\n" \ "cares to be caressed by?\n" \ "\n" \ "That is the teaching that is bawled out day by day from between those\n" \ "yellow covers. Do they ever pause to think, I wonder, those devil's\n" \ "ladyhelps, what mischief they are doing crawling about God's garden, and\n" \ "telling childish Eves and silly Adams that sin is sweet and that decency\n" \ "is ridiculous and vulgar? How many an innocent girl do they not degrade\n" \ "into an evil-minded woman? To how many a weak lad do they not point out\n" \ "the dirty by-path as the shortest cut to a maiden's heart? It is not as\n" \ "if they wrote of life as it really is. Speak truth, and right will take\n" \ "care of itself. But their pictures are coarse daubs painted from the\n" \ "sickly fancies of their own diseased imagination.\n" \ "\n" \ "We want to think of women not--as their own sex would show them--as\n" \ "Lorleis luring us to destruction, but as good angels beckoning us\n" \ "upward. They have more power for good or evil than they dream of. It is\n" \ "just at the very age when a man's character is forming that he tumbles\n" \ "into love, and then the lass he loves has the making or marring of him.\n" \ "Unconsciously he molds himself to what she would have him, good or bad.\n" \ "I am sorry to have to be ungallant enough to say that I do not think\n" \ "they always use their influence for the best. Too often the female world\n" \ "is bounded hard and fast within the limits of the commonplace. Their\n" \ "ideal hero is a prince of littleness, and to become that many a powerful\n" \ "mind, enchanted by love, is \"lost to life and use and name and fame.\"\n" \ "\n" \ "And yet, women, you could make us so much better if you only would. It\n" \ "rests with you, more than with all the preachers, to roll this world a\n" \ "little nearer heaven. Chivalry is not dead: it only sleeps for want\n" \ "of work to do. It is you who must wake it to noble deeds. You must be\n" \ "worthy of knightly worship.\n" \ "\n" \ "You must be higher than ourselves. It was for Una that the Red Cross\n" \ "Knight did war. For no painted, mincing court dame could the dragon have\n" \ "been slain. Oh, ladies fair, be fair in mind and soul as well as face,\n" \ "so that brave knights may win glory in your service! Oh, woman, throw\n" \ "off your disguising cloaks of selfishness, effrontery, and affectation!\n" \ "Stand forth once more a queen in your royal robe of simple purity. A\n" \ "thousand swords, now rusting in ignoble sloth, shall leap from their\n" \ "scabbards to do battle for your honor against wrong. A thousand Sir\n" \ "Rolands shall lay lance in rest, and Fear, Avarice, Pleasure, and\n" \ "Ambition shall go down in the dust before your colors.\n" \ "\n" \ "What noble deeds were we not ripe for in the days when we loved?\n" \ "What noble lives could we not have lived for her sake? Our love was\n" \ "a religion we could have died for. It was no mere human creature like\n" \ "ourselves that we adored. It was a queen that we paid homage to, a\n" \ "goddess that we worshiped.\n" \ "\n" \ "And how madly we did worship! And how sweet it was to worship! Ah, lad,\n" \ "cherish love's young dream while it lasts! You will know too soon how\n" \ "truly little Tom Moore sang when he said that there was nothing half so\n" \ "sweet in life. Even when it brings misery it is a wild, romantic misery,\n" \ "all unlike the dull, worldly pain of after-sorrows. When you have lost\n" \ "her--when the light is gone out from your life and the world stretches\n" \ "before you a long, dark horror, even then a half-enchantment mingles\n" \ "with your despair.\n" \ "\n" \ "And who would not risk its terrors to gain its raptures? Ah, what\n" \ "raptures they were! The mere recollection thrills you. How delicious\n" \ "it was to tell her that you loved her, that you lived for her, that\n" \ "you would die for her! How you did rave, to be sure, what floods of\n" \ "extravagant nonsense you poured forth, and oh, how cruel it was of\n" \ "her to pretend not to believe you! In what awe you stood of her! How\n" \ "miserable you were when you had offended her! And yet, how pleasant to\n" \ "be bullied by her and to sue for pardon without having the slightest\n" \ "notion of what your fault was! How dark the world was when she snubbed\n" \ "you, as she often did, the little rogue, just to see you look wretched;\n" \ "how sunny when she smiled! How jealous you were of every one about\n" \ "her! How you hated every man she shook hands with, every woman she\n" \ "kissed--the maid that did her hair, the boy that cleaned her shoes, the\n" \ "dog she nursed--though you had to be respectful to the last-named! How\n" \ "you looked forward to seeing her, how stupid you were when you did see\n" \ "her, staring at her without saying a word! How impossible it was for\n" \ "you to go out at any time of the day or night without finding yourself\n" \ "eventually opposite her windows! You hadn't pluck enough to go in, but\n" \ "you hung about the corner and gazed at the outside. Oh, if the house had\n" \ "only caught fire--it was insured, so it wouldn't have mattered--and you\n" \ "could have rushed in and saved her at the risk of your life, and have\n" \ "been terribly burned and injured! Anything to serve her. Even in little\n" \ "things that was so sweet. How you would watch her, spaniel-like, to\n" \ "anticipate her slightest wish! How proud you were to do her bidding! How\n" \ "delightful it was to be ordered about by her! To devote your whole life\n" \ "to her and to never think of yourself seemed such a simple thing. You\n" \ "would go without a holiday to lay a humble offering at her shrine, and\n" \ "felt more than repaid if she only deigned to accept it. How precious to\n" \ "you was everything that she had hallowed by her touch--her little glove,\n" \ "the ribbon she had worn, the rose that had nestled in her hair and whose\n" \ "withered leaves still mark the poems you never care to look at now.\n" \ "\n" \ "And oh, how beautiful she was, how wondrous beautiful! It was as some\n" \ "angel entering the room, and all else became plain and earthly. She was\n" \ "too sacred to be touched. It seemed almost presumption to gaze at her.\n" \ "You would as soon have thought of kissing her as of singing comic songs\n" \ "in a cathedral. It was desecration enough to kneel and timidly raise the\n" \ "gracious little hand to your lips.\n" \ "\n" \ "Ah, those foolish days, those foolish days when we were unselfish and\n" \ "pure-minded; those foolish days when our simple hearts were full\n" \ "of truth, and faith, and reverence! Ah, those foolish days of noble\n" \ "longings and of noble strivings! And oh, these wise, clever days when we\n" \ "know that money is the only prize worth striving for, when we believe in\n" \ "nothing else but meanness and lies, when we care for no living creature\n" \ "but ourselves!\n" #define DATA_2 \ "ON BEING IN THE BLUES.\n" \ "\n" \ "I can enjoy feeling melancholy, and there is a good deal of satisfaction\n" \ "about being thoroughly miserable; but nobody likes a fit of the blues.\n" \ "Nevertheless, everybody has them; notwithstanding which, nobody can tell\n" \ "why. There is no accounting for them. You are just as likely to have one\n" \ "on the day after you have come into a large fortune as on the day after\n" \ "you have left your new silk umbrella in the train. Its effect upon you\n" \ "is somewhat similar to what would probably be produced by a combined\n" \ "attack of toothache, indigestion, and cold in the head. You become\n" \ "stupid, restless, and irritable; rude to strangers and dangerous toward\n" \ "your friends; clumsy, maudlin, and quarrelsome; a nuisance to yourself\n" \ "and everybody about you.\n" \ "\n" \ "While it is on you can do nothing and think of nothing, though feeling\n" \ "at the time bound to do something. You can't sit still so put on your\n" \ "hat and go for a walk; but before you get to the corner of the street\n" \ "you wish you hadn't come out and you turn back. You open a book and try\n" \ "to read, but you find Shakespeare trite and commonplace, Dickens is dull\n" \ "and prosy, Thackeray a bore, and Carlyle too sentimental. You throw the\n" \ "book aside and call the author names. Then you \"shoo\" the cat out of\n" \ "the room and kick the door to after her. You think you will write your\n" \ "letters, but after sticking at \"Dearest Auntie: I find I have five\n" \ "minutes to spare, and so hasten to write to you,\" for a quarter of an\n" \ "hour, without being able to think of another sentence, you tumble the\n" \ "paper into the desk, fling the wet pen down upon the table-cloth,\n" \ "and start up with the resolution of going to see the Thompsons. While\n" \ "pulling on your gloves, however, it occurs to you that the Thompsons are\n" \ "idiots; that they never have supper; and that you will be expected to\n" \ "jump the baby. You curse the Thompsons and decide not to go.\n" \ "\n" \ "By this time you feel completely crushed. You bury your face in your\n" \ "hands and think you would like to die and go to heaven. You picture to\n" \ "yourself your own sick-bed, with all your friends and relations standing\n" \ "round you weeping. You bless them all, especially the young and pretty\n" \ "ones. They will value you when you are gone, so you say to yourself,\n" \ "and learn too late what they have lost; and you bitterly contrast their\n" \ "presumed regard for you then with their decided want of veneration now.\n" \ "\n" \ "These reflections make you feel a little more cheerful, but only for a\n" \ "brief period; for the next moment you think what a fool you must be\n" \ "to imagine for an instant that anybody would be sorry at anything that\n" \ "might happen to you. Who would care two straws (whatever precise amount\n" \ "of care two straws may represent) whether you are blown up, or hung\n" \ "up, or married, or drowned? Nobody cares for you. You never have\n" \ "been properly appreciated, never met with your due deserts in any one\n" \ "particular. You review the whole of your past life, and it is painfully\n" \ "apparent that you have been ill-used from your cradle.\n" \ "\n" \ "Half an hour's indulgence in these considerations works you up into\n" \ "a state of savage fury against everybody and everything, especially\n" \ "yourself, whom anatomical reasons alone prevent your kicking. Bed-time\n" \ "at last comes, to save you from doing something rash, and you spring\n" \ "upstairs, throw off your clothes, leaving them strewn all over the room,\n" \ "blow out the candle, and jump into bed as if you had backed yourself\n" \ "for a heavy wager to do the whole thing against time. There you toss\n" \ "and tumble about for a couple of hours or so, varying the monotony by\n" \ "occasionally jerking the clothes off and getting out and putting them\n" \ "on again. At length you drop into an uneasy and fitful slumber, have bad\n" \ "dreams, and wake up late the next morning.\n" \ "\n" \ "At least, this is all we poor single men can do under the circumstances.\n" \ "Married men bully their wives, grumble at the dinner, and insist on the\n" \ "children's going to bed. All of which, creating, as it does, a good deal\n" \ "of disturbance in the house, must be a great relief to the feelings of a\n" \ "man in the blues, rows being the only form of amusement in which he can\n" \ "take any interest.\n" \ "\n" \ "The symptoms of the infirmity are much the same in every case, but the\n" \ "affliction itself is variously termed. The poet says that \"a feeling\n" \ "of sadness comes o'er him.\" 'Arry refers to the heavings of his wayward\n" \ "heart by confiding to Jimee that he has \"got the blooming hump.\" Your\n" \ "sister doesn't know what is the matter with her to-night. She feels out\n" \ "of sorts altogether and hopes nothing is going to happen. The every-day\n" \ "young man is \"so awful glad to meet you, old fellow,\" for he does \"feel\n" \ "so jolly miserable this evening.\" As for myself, I generally say that \"I\n" \ "have a strange, unsettled feeling to-night\" and \"think I'll go out.\"\n" \ "\n" \ "By the way, it never does come except in the evening. In the sun-time,\n" \ "when the world is bounding forward full of life, we cannot stay to sigh\n" \ "and sulk. The roar of the working day drowns the voices of the elfin\n" \ "sprites that are ever singing their low-toned _miserere_ in our ears.\n" \ "In the day we are angry, disappointed, or indignant, but never \"in the\n" \ "blues\" and never melancholy. When things go wrong at ten o'clock in the\n" \ "morning we--or rather you--swear and knock the furniture about; but if\n" \ "the misfortune comes at ten P.M., we read poetry or sit in the dark and\n" \ "think what a hollow world this is.\n" \ "\n" \ "But, as a rule, it is not trouble that makes us melancholy. The\n" \ "actuality is too stern a thing for sentiment. We linger to weep over\n" \ "a picture, but from the original we should quickly turn our eyes away.\n" \ "There is no pathos in real misery: no luxury in real grief. We do not\n" \ "toy with sharp swords nor hug a gnawing fox to our breast for choice.\n" \ "When a man or woman loves to brood over a sorrow and takes care to keep\n" \ "it green in their memory, you may be sure it is no longer a pain to\n" \ "them. However they may have suffered from it at first, the recollection\n" \ "has become by then a pleasure. Many dear old ladies who daily look at\n" \ "tiny shoes lying in lavender-scented drawers, and weep as they think of\n" \ "the tiny feet whose toddling march is done, and sweet-faced young ones\n" \ "who place each night beneath their pillow some lock that once curled on\n" \ "a boyish head that the salt waves have kissed to death, will call me\n" \ "a nasty cynical brute and say I'm talking nonsense; but I believe,\n" \ "nevertheless, that if they will ask themselves truthfully whether they\n" \ "find it unpleasant to dwell thus on their sorrow, they will be compelled\n" \ "to answer \"No.\" Tears are as sweet as laughter to some natures. The\n" \ "proverbial Englishman, we know from old chronicler Froissart, takes his\n" \ "pleasures sadly, and the Englishwoman goes a step further and takes her\n" \ "pleasures in sadness itself.\n" \ "\n" \ "I am not sneering. I would not for a moment sneer at anything that\n" \ "helps to keep hearts tender in this hard old world. We men are cold and\n" \ "common-sensed enough for all; we would not have women the same. No, no,\n" \ "ladies dear, be always sentimental and soft-hearted, as you are--be the\n" \ "soothing butter to our coarse dry bread. Besides, sentiment is to women\n" \ "what fun is to us. They do not care for our humor, surely it would be\n" \ "unfair to deny them their grief. And who shall say that their mode of\n" \ "enjoyment is not as sensible as ours? Why assume that a doubled-up\n" \ "body, a contorted, purple face, and a gaping mouth emitting a series\n" \ "of ear-splitting shrieks point to a state of more intelligent happiness\n" \ "than a pensive face reposing upon a little white hand, and a pair of\n" \ "gentle tear-dimmed eyes looking back through Time's dark avenue upon a\n" \ "fading past?\n" \ "\n" \ "I am glad when I see Regret walked with as a friend--glad because I know\n" \ "the saltness has been washed from out the tears, and that the sting must\n" \ "have been plucked from the beautiful face of Sorrow ere we dare press\n" \ "her pale lips to ours. Time has laid his healing hand upon the wound\n" \ "when we can look back upon the pain we once fainted under and no\n" \ "bitterness or despair rises in our hearts. The burden is no longer\n" \ "heavy when we have for our past troubles only the same sweet mingling of\n" \ "pleasure and pity that we feel when old knight-hearted Colonel Newcome\n" \ "answers \"_adsum_\" to the great roll-call, or when Tom and Maggie\n" \ "Tulliver, clasping hands through the mists that have divided them, go\n" \ "down, locked in each other's arms, beneath the swollen waters of the\n" \ "Floss.\n" \ "\n" \ "Talking of poor Tom and Maggie Tulliver brings to my mind a saying of\n" \ "George Eliot's in connection with this subject of melancholy. She\n" \ "speaks somewhere of the \"sadness of a summer's evening.\" How wonderfully\n" \ "true--like everything that came from that wonderful pen--the observation\n" \ "is! Who has not felt the sorrowful enchantment of those lingering\n" \ "sunsets? The world belongs to Melancholy then, a thoughtful deep-eyed\n" \ "maiden who loves not the glare of day. It is not till \"light thickens\n" \ "and the crow wings to the rocky wood\" that she steals forth from her\n" \ "groves. Her palace is in twilight land. It is there she meets us. At her\n" \ "shadowy gate she takes our hand in hers and walks beside us through\n" \ "her mystic realm. We see no form, but seem to hear the rustling of her\n" \ "wings.\n" \ "\n" \ "Even in the toiling hum-drum city her spirit comes to us. There is a\n" \ "somber presence in each long, dull street; and the dark river creeps\n" \ "ghostlike under the black arches, as if bearing some hidden secret\n" \ "beneath its muddy waves.\n" \ "\n" \ "In the silent country, when the trees and hedges loom dim and blurred\n" \ "against the rising night, and the bat's wing flutters in our face, and\n" \ "the land-rail's cry sounds drearily across the fields, the spell sinks\n" \ "deeper still into our hearts. We seem in that hour to be standing by\n" \ "some unseen death-bed, and in the swaying of the elms we hear the sigh\n" \ "of the dying day.\n" \ "\n" \ "A solemn sadness reigns. A great peace is around us. In its light\n" \ "our cares of the working day grow small and trivial, and bread and\n" \ "cheese--ay, and even kisses--do not seem the only things worth striving\n" \ "for. Thoughts we cannot speak but only listen to flood in upon us, and\n" \ "standing in the stillness under earth's darkening dome, we feel that we\n" \ "are greater than our petty lives. Hung round with those dusky curtains,\n" \ "the world is no longer a mere dingy workshop, but a stately temple\n" \ "wherein man may worship, and where at times in the dimness his groping\n" \ "hands touch God's.\n" #define DATA_3 \ "ON BEING HARD UP.\n" \ "\n" \ "It is a most remarkable thing. I sat down with the full intention of\n" \ "writing something clever and original; but for the life of me I can't\n" \ "think of anything clever and original--at least, not at this moment. The\n" \ "only thing I can think about now is being hard up. I suppose having my\n" \ "hands in my pockets has made me think about this. I always do sit with\n" \ "my hands in my pockets except when I am in the company of my sisters,\n" \ "my cousins, or my aunts; and they kick up such a shindy--I should say\n" \ "expostulate so eloquently upon the subject--that I have to give in and\n" \ "take them out--my hands I mean. The chorus to their objections is that\n" \ "it is not gentlemanly. I am hanged if I can see why. I could understand\n" \ "its not being considered gentlemanly to put your hands in other people's\n" \ "pockets (especially by the other people), but how, O ye sticklers for\n" \ "what looks this and what looks that, can putting his hands in his own\n" \ "pockets make a man less gentle? Perhaps you are right, though. Now I\n" \ "come to think of it, I have heard some people grumble most savagely when\n" \ "doing it. But they were mostly old gentlemen. We young fellows, as a\n" \ "rule, are never quite at ease unless we have our hands in our pockets.\n" \ "We are awkward and shifty. We are like what a music-hall Lion Comique\n" \ "would be without his opera-hat, if such a thing can be imagined. But let\n" \ "us put our hands in our trousers pockets, and let there be some small\n" \ "change in the right-hand one and a bunch of keys in the left, and we\n" \ "will face a female post-office clerk.\n" \ "\n" \ "It is a little difficult to know what to do with your hands, even in\n" \ "your pockets, when there is nothing else there. Years ago, when my whole\n" \ "capital would occasionally come down to \"what in town the people call\n" \ "a bob,\" I would recklessly spend a penny of it, merely for the sake of\n" \ "having the change, all in coppers, to jingle. You don't feel nearly so\n" \ "hard up with eleven pence in your pocket as you do with a shilling. Had\n" \ "I been \"La-di-da,\" that impecunious youth about whom we superior folk\n" \ "are so sarcastic, I would have changed my penny for two ha'pennies.\n" \ "\n" \ "I can speak with authority on the subject of being hard up. I have been\n" \ "a provincial actor. If further evidence be required, which I do not\n" \ "think likely, I can add that I have been a \"gentleman connected with the\n" \ "press.\" I have lived on 15 shilling a week. I have lived a week on 10,\n" \ "owing the other 5; and I have lived for a fortnight on a great-coat.\n" \ "\n" \ "It is wonderful what an insight into domestic economy being really hard\n" \ "up gives one. If you want to find out the value of money, live on\n" \ "15 shillings a week and see how much you can put by for clothes and\n" \ "recreation. You will find out that it is worth while to wait for the\n" \ "farthing change, that it is worth while to walk a mile to save a\n" \ "penny, that a glass of beer is a luxury to be indulged in only at rare\n" \ "intervals, and that a collar can be worn for four days.\n" \ "\n" \ "Try it just before you get married. It will be excellent practice. Let\n" \ "your son and heir try it before sending him to college. He won't grumble\n" \ "at a hundred a year pocket-money then. There are some people to whom it\n" \ "would do a world of good. There is that delicate blossom who can't drink\n" \ "any claret under ninety-four, and who would as soon think of dining\n" \ "off cat's meat as off plain roast mutton. You do come across these\n" \ "poor wretches now and then, though, to the credit of humanity, they are\n" \ "principally confined to that fearful and wonderful society known only\n" \ "to lady novelists. I never hear of one of these creatures discussing a\n" \ "_menu_ card but I feel a mad desire to drag him off to the bar of\n" \ "some common east-end public-house and cram a sixpenny dinner down his\n" \ "throat--beefsteak pudding, fourpence; potatoes, a penny; half a pint of\n" \ "porter, a penny. The recollection of it (and the mingled fragrance of\n" \ "beer, tobacco, and roast pork generally leaves a vivid impression) might\n" \ "induce him to turn up his nose a little less frequently in the future\n" \ "at everything that is put before him. Then there is that generous party,\n" \ "the cadger's delight, who is so free with his small change, but who\n" \ "never thinks of paying his debts. It might teach even him a little\n" \ "common sense. \"I always give the waiter a shilling. One can't give the\n" \ "fellow less, you know,\" explained a young government clerk with whom I\n" \ "was lunching the other day in Regent Street. I agreed with him as to the\n" \ "utter impossibility of making it elevenpence ha'penny; but at the same\n" \ "time I resolved to one day decoy him to an eating-house I remembered\n" \ "near Covent Garden, where the waiter, for the better discharge of his\n" \ "duties, goes about in his shirt-sleeves--and very dirty sleeves they\n" \ "are, too, when it gets near the end of the month. I know that waiter.\n" \ "If my friend gives him anything beyond a penny, the man will insist on\n" \ "shaking hands with him then and there as a mark of his esteem; of that I\n" \ "feel sure.\n" \ "\n" \ "There have been a good many funny things said and written about\n" \ "hardupishness, but the reality is not funny, for all that. It is not\n" \ "funny to have to haggle over pennies. It isn't funny to be thought\n" \ "mean and stingy. It isn't funny to be shabby and to be ashamed of your\n" \ "address. No, there is nothing at all funny in poverty--to the poor. It\n" \ "is hell upon earth to a sensitive man; and many a brave gentleman who\n" \ "would have faced the labors of Hercules has had his heart broken by its\n" \ "petty miseries.\n" \ "\n" \ "It is not the actual discomforts themselves that are hard to bear.\n" \ "Who would mind roughing it a bit if that were all it meant? What cared\n" \ "Robinson Crusoe for a patch on his trousers? Did he wear trousers? I\n" \ "forget; or did he go about as he does in the pantomimes? What did it\n" \ "matter to him if his toes did stick out of his boots? and what if\n" \ "his umbrella was a cotton one, so long as it kept the rain off? His\n" \ "shabbiness did not trouble him; there was none of his friends round\n" \ "about to sneer him.\n" \ "\n" \ "Being poor is a mere trifle. It is being known to be poor that is the\n" \ "sting. It is not cold that makes a man without a great-coat hurry along\n" \ "so quickly. It is not all shame at telling lies--which he knows will\n" \ "not be believed--that makes him turn so red when he informs you that\n" \ "he considers great-coats unhealthy and never carries an umbrella on\n" \ "principle. It is easy enough to say that poverty is no crime. No; if\n" \ "it were men wouldn't be ashamed of it. It's a blunder, though, and is\n" \ "punished as such. A poor man is despised the whole world over; despised\n" \ "as much by a Christian as by a lord, as much by a demagogue as by a\n" \ "footman, and not all the copy-book maxims ever set for ink stained youth\n" \ "will make him respected. Appearances are everything, so far as human\n" \ "opinion goes, and the man who will walk down Piccadilly arm in arm with\n" \ "the most notorious scamp in London, provided he is a well-dressed one,\n" \ "will slink up a back street to say a couple of words to a seedy-looking\n" \ "gentleman. And the seedy-looking gentleman knows this--no one\n" \ "better--and will go a mile round to avoid meeting an acquaintance. Those\n" \ "that knew him in his prosperity need never trouble themselves to look\n" \ "the other way. He is a thousand times more anxious that they should not\n" \ "see him than they can be; and as to their assistance, there is nothing\n" \ "he dreads more than the offer of it. All he wants is to be forgotten;\n" \ "and in this respect he is generally fortunate enough to get what he\n" \ "wants.\n" \ "\n" \ "One becomes used to being hard up, as one becomes used to everything\n" \ "else, by the help of that wonderful old homeopathic doctor, Time. You\n" \ "can tell at a glance the difference between the old hand and the novice;\n" \ "between the case-hardened man who has been used to shift and struggle\n" \ "for years and the poor devil of a beginner striving to hide his misery,\n" \ "and in a constant agony of fear lest he should be found out. Nothing\n" \ "shows this difference more clearly than the way in which each will pawn\n" \ "his watch. As the poet says somewhere: \"True ease in pawning comes from\n" \ "art, not chance.\" The one goes into his \"uncle's\" with as much composure\n" \ "as he would into his tailor's--very likely with more. The assistant is\n" \ "even civil and attends to him at once, to the great indignation of the\n" \ "lady in the next box, who, however, sarcastically observes that she\n" \ "don't mind being kept waiting \"if it is a regular customer.\" Why, from\n" \ "the pleasant and businesslike manner in which the transaction is carried\n" \ "out, it might be a large purchase in the three per cents. Yet what a\n" \ "piece of work a man makes of his first \"pop.\" A boy popping his first\n" \ "question is confidence itself compared with him. He hangs about outside\n" \ "the shop until he has succeeded in attracting the attention of all the\n" \ "loafers in the neighborhood and has aroused strong suspicions in the\n" \ "mind of the policeman on the beat. At last, after a careful examination\n" \ "of the contents of the windows, made for the purpose of impressing the\n" \ "bystanders with the notion that he is going in to purchase a diamond\n" \ "bracelet or some such trifle, he enters, trying to do so with a careless\n" \ "swagger, and giving himself really the air of a member of the swell mob.\n" \ "When inside he speaks in so low a voice as to be perfectly inaudible,\n" \ "and has to say it all over again. When, in the course of his rambling\n" \ "conversation about a \"friend\" of his, the word \"lend\" is reached, he is\n" \ "promptly told to go up the court on the right and take the first door\n" \ "round the corner. He comes out of the shop with a face that you could\n" \ "easily light a cigarette at, and firmly under the impression that the\n" \ "whole population of the district is watching him. When he does get\n" \ "to the right place he has forgotten his name and address and is in a\n" \ "general condition of hopeless imbecility. Asked in a severe tone how he\n" \ "came by \"this,\" he stammers and contradicts himself, and it is only a\n" \ "miracle if he does not confess to having stolen it that very day. He is\n" \ "thereupon informed that they don't want anything to do with his sort,\n" \ "and that he had better get out of this as quickly as possible, which he\n" \ "does, recollecting nothing more until he finds himself three miles off,\n" \ "without the slightest knowledge how he got there.\n" \ "\n" \ "By the way, how awkward it is, though, having to depend on public-houses\n" \ "and churches for the time. The former are generally too fast and the\n" \ "latter too slow. Besides which, your efforts to get a glimpse of\n" \ "the public house clock from the outside are attended with great\n" \ "difficulties. If you gently push the swing-door ajar and peer in you\n" \ "draw upon yourself the contemptuous looks of the barmaid, who at once\n" \ "puts you down in the same category with area sneaks and cadgers. You\n" \ "also create a certain amount of agitation among the married portion of\n" \ "the customers. You don't see the clock because it is behind the door;\n" \ "and in trying to withdraw quietly you jam your head. The only other\n" \ "method is to jump up and down outside the window. After this latter\n" \ "proceeding, however, if you do not bring out a banjo and commence to\n" \ "sing, the youthful inhabitants of the neighborhood, who have gathered\n" \ "round in expectation, become disappointed.\n" \ "\n" \ "I should like to know, too, by what mysterious law of nature it is that\n" \ "before you have left your watch \"to be repaired\" half an hour, some one\n" \ "is sure to stop you in the street and conspicuously ask you the time.\n" \ "Nobody even feels the slightest curiosity on the subject when you've got\n" \ "it on.\n" \ "\n" \ "Dear old ladies and gentlemen who know nothing about being hard up--and\n" \ "may they never, bless their gray old heads--look upon the pawn-shop\n" \ "as the last stage of degradation; but those who know it better (and my\n" \ "readers have no doubt, noticed this themselves) are often surprised,\n" \ "like the little boy who dreamed he went to heaven, at meeting so many\n" \ "people there that they never expected to see. For my part, I think it a\n" \ "much more independent course than borrowing from friends, and I always\n" \ "try to impress this upon those of my acquaintance who incline toward\n" \ "\"wanting a couple of pounds till the day after to-morrow.\" But they\n" \ "won't all see it. One of them once remarked that he objected to the\n" \ "principle of the thing. I fancy if he had said it was the interest that\n" \ "he objected to he would have been nearer the truth: twenty-five per\n" \ "cent. certainly does come heavy.\n" \ "\n" \ "There are degrees in being hard up. We are all hard up, more or\n" \ "less--most of us more. Some are hard up for a thousand pounds; some for\n" \ "a shilling. Just at this moment I am hard up myself for a fiver. I only\n" \ "want it for a day or two. I should be certain of paying it back within a\n" \ "week at the outside, and if any lady or gentleman among my readers would\n" \ "kindly lend it me, I should be very much obliged indeed. They could send\n" \ "it to me under cover to Messrs. Field & Tuer, only, in such case, please\n" \ "let the envelope be carefully sealed. I would give you my I.O.U. as\n" \ "security.\n" static const char *s_data[N_STREAMS] = { DATA_0, DATA_1, DATA_2, DATA_3, }; static size_t s_data_sz[N_STREAMS] = { sizeof(DATA_0) - 1, sizeof(DATA_1) - 1, sizeof(DATA_2) - 1, sizeof(DATA_3) - 1, };